Southern Humor
  Home Page | Quotes | Creed | Pictures | Southern Humor | Assorted Humor | Biker Humor | Links  

Things a True Southerner Knows...

- The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit.
- Pretty much how many fish make up a mess.
- That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar.
- When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long.
- The difference between Yankee's and damn Yankee's.
- How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store.
- Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !!
- A good dog is worth its weight in gold.
- Real gravy don't come from the store.
- The War of Northern Aggression was over state rights, not slavery.
- When "by and by" is.
- The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece".
- The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash.
- Never to go snipe hunting twice.
- At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice.
- Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
- You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows.
- You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody.
- A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up.
- Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers.
- Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons.

Top 40 things you will never hear a Southern boy say:
40. Oh, I just couldn't, she's only 16.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for , Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have cheese and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a darn who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than Espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C: drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancee, Bobby Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got 2 cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw", that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You ALL.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving tonight.